A Cat’s Work Is Never Done
ŠLisa Barker

If cats kept a daily log of their daytime activities it would be
 boring.  Entry after entry would simply read “nap” with an occasional “lick”
 inserted here and there.  Nighttime is when all the real action takes
 place. 

8:30PM:  Time to let the humans know it’s getting late.  Swat the back
 of their heads while they watch television or sit on the TV and hang
 your tail down the center of the screen.  Give them a foretaste of the
 evening you have planned by reaching high up on the drapes giving them a
 test swing.

9:00PM:  Chase each other up and down the hall, over the sofa and
 across laps, under the dining room chairs, across the window sill and back
 across the dining room table.

10:30PM:  The humans prepare for bed—at last!  Turn on your
 night-vision and chase them down the darkened hallway.  Bat their ankles and trip
 them one last time before they shut the bedroom door.  Now, quick!
  Chase each other down the hall, then skid across the floor and into the
 plant stand at top speed.  Lick yourself studiously when the humans get
 up to see what all of the racket is.  Present your best innocent look.

11:00PM:  Jump for the dining room table cloth, grab the end and swing
 off, satisfactorily pulling your brothers and sister off the table with
 you.   Run and hide!  The humans are coming!

11:10PM:  Lick your butt on the front porch as if you intended to go
 outside for the night.

12:00AM:  Corral three of your friends and serenade the humans outside
 the bedroom window.  Play with the shoestrings on the boot they toss
 out the door.

1:30AM:  Arrange dead bats and mice on the doormat to surprise the
 Mistress.  She’ll be sure to squeal with delight when she almost steps on
 them in the morning.  Now quickly go rummage in the ‘snack cans’ before
 the great big truck arrives or any other cats try to claim it as
 theirs.

2:30AM:  Finish off territorial spat with ear piercing yowls that start
 neighborhood dogs barking and causes homeowners to turn on lights and
 shout out their support.

3:00AM:  Make contribution to the gene pool and invest in the cat
 population of tomorrow.

4:00AM:  Howl outside the human’s bedroom window to let him know the
 great big truck is coming to take away the ‘snack cans.’

6:30AM: Rush in the front door and claim the best spot on the sofa.
  Prepare to take the first of 17 naps for the day.   Make mental note to
 eat the butter on the counter and refuse the dry kibble until the humans
 break out the canned stuff.  

Don’t know what those humans do all day, but a cat’s work is never
 done.

LISA BARKER of Greenfield is a syndicated humor columnist and mom of
 five. Her latest book is "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane ...
 Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" See www.JellyMom.com for more
 information.