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“Note to Self”

Lessons learned…and I’m still taking notes, by Auntie Theresa

Editor’s note: The following story was written by a very talented, energetic and the most fun-loving aunt you’ll ever meet in Houston or possibly the world. After her dear friend and brother’s wife died from cancer just two short years ago, this special lady dropped everything to help raise the kids left behind from this tragic disease. Names were changed in the following story to protect the identity of these young children, but the message is clear: You don’t have to be a biological mother or even married to make a tremendous impact on the young, tender lives of children.

Kudos to “Auntie Theresa” for making sacrifices for her family, kind of like Mother Theresa who helped change the world through her self-sacrificing love, kindness and dedication to others. We appreciate Auntie Theresa for sharing her story with Houstonmom.com. If only we all could be like these incredible women, the world would certainly be a better place.

Aunts are Role Mothers, too!

Just because you’re a single woman does not mean that you aren’t a mother or “role model mother” to all you encounter!

I wanted to scream this at the top of my lungs last May after what happened during the Mother’s Day blessing over the mothers attending church that day.

“Sit down, Theresa!” someone very close to me said in a stern, very loud whisper. “It’s for mothers only!”

Going through the regular routine of the Mass, I guess I didn’t realize the priest had just asked for all the mothers to stand up for a special blessing. So I stood up with the others around me…in this case, all mothers, grandmothers, step-moms, etc. who had children of their own. After hearing this reprimand, I immediately sat down, so red-faced from embarrassment and anger.

Now, I know the person who told me to sit down wasn’t trying to be malicious or hurt me, but those words truly cut right to the very core of my heart. It was like I was being reminded that I didn’t qualify for the blessing! I am a single woman, never have been married or given birth to or adopted a child, so why did I deserve such an honor as this? It was like a slap in the face, and it stung badly!

Just as I was about to tear up after sitting back down, a lovely older woman sitting behind me who had witnessed this incident gently tapped me on my shoulder. She whispered in my ear, “Darling, you don’t have to give birth to a child to be a ‘Mother’.”

Those were the words I needed to hear at that moment. Standing behind me was the voice of God gently easing my hurt.

I mean, it’s not that I haven’t wanted to get married or have children; quite the contrary! I was the one in college who really didn’t want a serious career and instead wanted a loving, honest, trustworthy and Godly husband. On top of that, I was hoping to have at least four children and perhaps adopt some as well. Oh yes, I had everything nicely pictured in my mind.

However, God had another plan for me. I was to be a part of the corporate world and work hard until I’d drop through my front door at night so tired I couldn’t even move, or travel across the United States so much that they knew me by name on many flights. I was so worn out and downtrodden that the last thing I wanted to do was go out and exert myself into the dating world.

I was content coming home and just “being” with my immediate family, including my mom and dad, brother, Robert and his wife, Vicky, and their children, Jonathon and Samantha, who all lived close by. They gave me unconditional love and I didn’t have to prove anything to them or anyone else. They loved me for me, so I guess finding my “soul mate” was on hold. To this day I continue wondering if I really do have a soul mate and if he’s out there waiting to find me.

Growing up, we were always blessed to live around many cousins from very large families. Family was everything! Ours may have been the smallest of the bunch, but I have always teased my mother that she and dad probably didn’t have any more kids because both her children have red hair and that it would have been like having four kids with us. Ha! Ha! In fact, Robert is the child who got married after he graduated from the seminary! I quickly became dear friends with his wife, Vicky, and have been blessed to be a part of their family every step of the way. I love watching their kids, Jonathon and Samantha, grow up and having the opportunity to be an integral part of their lives on a daily basis along with my parents.

I know that so many people have moved away from loved ones because of other opportunities, such as job offers, spouses taking on new position, etc. The lists of reasons “why we had to move away from our family” could probably stretch clear across the state of Texas! Not for me. Family is first!

Jonathon was the first grandchild and nephew that blessed our small family. How awesome it was to have this little person to play with and share my passions of life, our traditions, our love and our community. I couldn’t wait to share all my enthusiasm for sports, art, and nature and about God and all the blessings he was bestowing on our family. Jonathon was the only child for six years before his sister, Samantha, came into our lives.

Samantha’s sweetness and lovely smile set our hearts aglow. Again, I sat in awe at the beauty of her as I held her little hands in mine. I imagined us being the best of friends. After all, I had such wonderful aunts who I adore and spent so many fun-filled summers with at their homes being loved by them, why would it be any different with my niece and nephew? I adore my mother, and her sisters are just like her, so naturally I wanted to be that important and be given the same respect and love as a role model to my niece and nephew.

Now my life job-wise took a couple of dramatic changes in-between their births. The company that employed me was downsizing by the hundreds. This was the second large cut back in three short months. It never fails; they released almost the entire marketing department, me included!

The feelings of devastation, hurt, and ego were all thrown into the mixing bowl of life to be beat up and thrown into the oven to bake out what was left of my pride. But a little voice in my head would say, “Trust in God, Stacey. When one door closes, another bigger and better one was going to open.”

Meanwhile, I had Jonathon and Samantha to look at through new eyes into a sometimes-despairing world, and could only smile at the joy they brought me.

I ended up finding work at a small growing software company, and again was excited about being a part of new industry. The company offered so much to me both personally and professionally. I found a small group of wonderful people who were kind, driven like me, and willing to share their knowledge to make me a better employee. But, even with small companies, there are those who do not treat others with respect and Godliness, which I was so desperately hoping to find in this cozy corporation. So, work was good, but had its challenges like all jobs.

About this time we received devastating news that Vicky had Lymphoma. Cancer—the monster that strikes fear into every family, community and continent. How could it be? What steps were to be taken? We were a strong family unit through our faith, relationships with friends and church community, and sheer determination that this would not break us down! We were all searching for a miracle along with anything to grasp on to that would help us comprehend what this terrible word meant.

“Oh God,” I prayed. “Please help us, especially Robert and Vicky, who have two small, beautiful children that need both parents. Please hear our prayers!”

Vicky started her treatment immediately because it was a very aggressive cancer. Robert still had to hold his job down and provide for the family, as well as carry his own fears and be strong for his wife and family. Their children were the young ages of seven and two at the time.

I tried to keep my mind on my own work, but again God decided it was time for more change in that area of my life. This company let me go when “upper management” decided my position needed to be relocated to their sister office in another state on the far west coast. No way, I wasn’t going to move and leave my family, especially now when we needed to stay together. Life is definitely too short to live for others who don’t appreciate you anyway.

Again I was searching for “my purpose” in between taking turns with Robert, mom, dad, Vicky’s sister and other family members and friends who helped Vicky make her daily runs to MD Anderson for treatment and follow-up appointments.

I was blessed that God allowed me to be let go of my job when he did because I was able to assist with some of the housework and entertain the kids when everyone also was making sure that the care of Vicky was being administered. Not many times did I hear Vicky complain about her pain, and she always kept a smile on her face for her kids, her husband and her family. I know she was in so much pain and was so scared, but she was always trying to be so strong for all of us.

One night, though, she privately revealed to me how weak she really was feeling. After bringing Jonathon home from an evening outing, she pulled me into the kitchen by myself, took my hand and began to weep.

“Theresa, I have to ask something important of you,” she said between tears. “You have to be around Jonathon and Sam as much as possible. Please try not to move away because they love you like a mom.”

I was so surprised by her choice of words. I mean, she was the mom here. How could I compare?

I just looked at her and answered quietly, “I’m not their mom. I’m just their aunt.”

Vicky laughed out loud through her tears as I just stood there looking at her through my watering eyes.

“Silly, I know you’re their aunt,” she said. “But, you know, aunts hold a special place in the heart of kids, just as a mother does.”

Wow God…as I’m writing and remembering this, I realized that my purpose was not only with Jonathon and Samantha, but with my best friend who had just told me that I’m like a second mom to her kids. In fact, my cousins have told me that their kids think I would be the coolest mom ever.

I realized that I am a role model as a mother figure even though I have never had my own kids. I have grown up watching and admiring such beautiful role mothers in my life that maybe some of their good qualities have rubbed off on me.

Vicky and I just hugged each other, cried some more, and I made the promise to be around her kids and be a big part of their lives as much as possible. And I have stayed true to that word to this day.

Seven months later, I was approached by a different company in the same industry located in the upper east coast. They were willing to let me work from my home here in Texas and commute a few days a week. I thought, “Finally, a company who understands that family is important and with the technology available today, you could actually have a remote office and still communicate with your customers. Thank you, God!” So I took the job and was able to continue the care-taking role for Vicky and the kids.

Vicky lost her battle with the monster just six months later. Cancer claimed another life, but God received His daughter home and I had another saint on my side up in the heavens!

Even though that was the most painful time of our lives, it has now been two years and we are all smiling again and remembering what we lost and are thankful for whom we have in our lives. It was a very rough couple of years and I wasn’t sure if our family unit was going to survive. Prayer warriors were called in to pray for some semblance and we again became a family that wasn’t ripped at the seams of life.

We don’t live forever, but what time we have with one another is to be cherished and enjoyed. Lesson learned…I’m still taking notes.

Robert is doing very well now, both professionally and personally. And thank goodness, the kids are terrific and have adjusted with the love and support of everyone! Prayers are powerful and our community that surrounds our family has held us up when we were all falling over with grief, anger and loss.

God had a plan for us. We are survivors, just as the many families who have endured tragic losses and challenges and who are currently experiencing this in their lives today. We walk with faith, although there are always going to be days where the tears boil up from nowhere and start flowing for no apparent reason.

On the job front, I have left the corporate world and told my new CEO….GOD….please help me find my purpose. He guided me to the two ladies who have established HoustonMom.com. They approached me and said that they had been praying for someone who has my business background and energy.

I told them, “You know I’m not a mom?” They both stood there and smiled and told me they saw how fantastic I was with all their kids. And, my best friend told me the other day, “You know more about being a mom than most moms know.” I guess I am qualified after all!

I have come to realize that I do have children. I have my niece and nephew. I have my Godchild. I have my friend’s children. I enjoy every little one God has allowed me to meet. I thought I was missing out by not having my town four kids, but I have been blessed with so many more!

Now I am writing this to all of you…women united…whether you are a mother, aunt, friend, grandmother, single or married…you are most likely a “role mother” to someone, be it your own child or another. You have touched another person’s life in a significant manner, one that will be ingrained in their memory forever.

A special thank you to my mother and all my other “moms” who have touched my heart and made me who I am today.

How blessed we are as women to be able to minister to each other and carry on our love, kindness and wisdom to future generations.

Until my next thoughts…take care of yourself and each other.

~ Aunt Theresa

That Woman Is A Success….

Who loves life

And lives it to the fullest;

Who has discovered and shared

The strengths and talents

That are uniquely her own;

Who puts her best into each task

And leaves each situation

Better than she found it;

Who seeks and finds

That which is beautiful

In all people…and all things;

Whose heart is full of love

And warm with compassion;

Who has found joy in living

And peace within herself.